CUSTOMER service can be a funny thing, and I’ve had two interesting experiences. Let me say right from the start that both were resolved to my satisfaction and the people I dealt with were very helpful. But I can’t deny that they were both weird and wacky encounters.

The first involved my central heating boiler, which was fitted three years ago. I sent off the relevant guarantee documents at once but never heard anything. So I rang up to register and was told that they had my details. “I haven’t received anything back,” I said. “We’ll send another lot,” they replied.

Three weeks passed and still no documents so I wrote a polite letter of complaint, and then a mad, bad series of events unfolded that covered six months. I would regularly receive an e-mail asking me if the documents had arrived, and I would reply that they hadn’t.

In the ensuing 24 weeks there was a fire at the company’s print depot and also some sort of computer glitch which meant that my name was constantly erased. And then, just as I was about to give up as my 12-month guarantee would be up anyway, the documents arrived by special delivery.

Part two involved a new mobile phone. I was told it could take two to 24 hours for my credit to be transferred but more than 30 hours later nothing had happened so I rang up. Well I tried to. The recorded phone message insisted on a four-digit number which I’d forgotten. I gave up a couple of times, but then sat and let the recorded message repeat itself time and again. After what seemed like ten minutes, it said it would put me through to an operator.

Moments later a very polite and helpful lady introduced herself with the words: “Hi, I’m Gladys, and I’ll be your Orange friend today. How may I help?” Orange friend? What if I came from the other side of Belfast?
    There was a similar situation when I bought my previous phone. It wouldn’t work at all but when I asked for help they told me to monitor the situation for 24 hours. Nothing happened so I dared to ring back after about four.

This time I spoke to a somewhat huffy young woman who was indignant that I had called back 20 hours early. “You were told to monitor the situation,” she scolded me. “But it’s broke luv. It doesn’t work. It won’t even switch on.”

Eventually she melted, became very nice and sent me a new phone which was perfect. But it was very hard work.

Have a nice day and a really greeaat weekend.