February 2012
2 posts
Not Worth the Worry! →
Not Worth the Worry!
FOR the life of me I’ll never understand why Z-list folk sign up for “I’m a Celebrity …” It’s three weeks of utter humiliation in which they have to thrust their arms into a pit of snakes (literally) or gulp down bits of a kangaroo’s wedding tackle which have been through a blender.
I might be inclined to think they’re making one last, desperate bid...
May 2011
1 post
Let Tiger Gary earn his stripes
Finally, the longest saga in non-league football is over. The dust has settled. Gary Lowe has signed on the dotted line to become the new manager of Hyde FC and everyone appears to have accepted the fact.
Some people will tell you that Gary was given the job three months ago and others – chiefly the Ewen Fields board of directors – will vehemently deny it. Another group claim that he was in for...
April 2011
5 posts
Fascinated by fascinators
BEING the saddo that I am, I decided to watch the royal wedding on the Fox Network – a right-wing US new station. And I have to say that it was worth it. Okay, I didn’t see the event in HD but I did get an entirely different perspective on proceedings. Yes, the Americans were impressed. Yes, they loved it. But they were much less deferential than anyone on the BBC or ITV.
They were mystified by a...
Twitter? It's beyond me!
DO you get twitter? And yes, I realise that’s a strange question to be asking when I’m using the site to publicise this blog. However, I have to ask the question again – do you get twitter? You see, I tweet sort of regularly, but only to impart nuggets of information. I’ll mention the guests on my 103.6FM Tameside Radio programme, or reveal some development in the weird and wacky world of...
Week of the managerial long knives
WHAT is it they say about buses? You wait ages for one and then three turn up at once? You could apply that to the Tameside area’s managerial situation over the last few days. In this part of the world, bosses get hired and fired much less regularly than they once did. But in the space of a week three clubs parted company with their manager: Hyde, Glossop North End and Mossley. While, of course,...
What sort of handle do you carry?
DO you have a nickname? Perhaps it’s my non-league football background, but I like them. On the other hand, my late mother-in-law didn’t. There was a legendary tale of how she chased away a lad who came to the front door once and asked for their George, except he called him Jud. A similar if somewhat more graphic story is attached to a friend of mine who is known to everyone as Jock. Jock’s...
Who needs television critics?
WHO are the people that television channels trot out to make comments. They’re supposedly experts but, as a rule, tend to be the sort of comedians who are about as funny as gangrene. Tonight I’ve been watching a tribute to “Top of the Pops” on BBC4. I’ve struggled to believe a great deal of what I’ve heard. I’ve witnessed a succession of smug, self-satisfied, self-styled stars having a go at a...
March 2011
4 posts
Lucky? Who, me?
DO you consider yourself to be lucky? I don’t. And before you accuse me of feeling sorry for myself you only have to take a quick look at my supposed friends to know I’m telling the truth. That mob at 103.6FM Tameside Radio. Well … Because of my lack of luck I rarely gamble. I generally bet on two races a year: the Grand National and the Cheltenham Gold Cup. Being a little cash-strapped I...
Shave some money off the cost Gillette!
WHAT has happened to shaving? It ought to be one of the most fundamental male functions (yes I know there are women who could do with pulling a razor across their face in the morning – I’ve been out with some of them) but companies like Gillette have turned it into a type of beauty ritual - and a very expensive one I might add. Fair enough, I would probably rip my face to shreds if I was to use...
The joys of customer service
CUSTOMER service can be a funny thing, and I’ve had two interesting experiences. Let me say right from the start that both were resolved to my satisfaction and the people I dealt with were very helpful. But I can’t deny that they were both weird and wacky encounters.
The first involved my central heating boiler, which was fitted three years ago. I sent off the relevant guarantee documents at once...
What's in a name?
HERE in the North West, we’re supposed to be known for calling a spade a spade. We’re famed for saying what we mean, and perhaps that’s why I get annoyed when people give things silly names. For example, why would a teacher be given the title “head of resistant materials”? I’m told this actually means head of woodwork. If so, why not call him/her that? Okay, I accept that wood is a material that...
February 2011
4 posts
We'll miss you Melvin
IN August it will be 30 years since I appeared on “Mastermind”. On the whole, the most you can say about my performance is that I didn’t finish last in my heat. However, I did provide five minutes of fame for Melvin Burgess who died last weekend aged 74.
Melvin was groundsman, dressing-room attendant, brewer-up and supporters’ club vice-chairman at Ewen Fields back in the...
Gone but not forgotten
DID you see the commercial that was on the telly a few weeks ago – the one that shows a woman dabbing nail varnish on her stockings to stop a ladder? Silly, I know, but it set me thinking about things that were once everyday occurrences but have now disappeared. Of course, I may be on dodgy ground here. After all, I can’t claim to be an expert on ladies’ hosiery. There again, I was married for 10...
Supermarket Snarl-up
SELF-SERVICE supermarket check-outs ought to be just up my street. You sort yourself out and there are none of those girls who fire things down as quickly as possibly in an attempt to get rid of you as swiftly as they can. I should be so lucky. In the same way that women hold up ordinary check-outs by displaying that look of utter astonishment when asked for money – after all they’re only buying...
Songs of glory?
WHAT do you make of national anthems? I suppose they’re there to rouse the soul or embody the national character. To that end, tastes can change. “Land of Hope and Glory” used to be the English anthem at the Commonwealth Games, now it’s “Jerusalem”. If you’re sad like me, and spend a lot of time on the internet, you might be tempted to try looking at lyrics. And believe me, you’ll be surprised by...
December 2010
1 post
Beckham Mania
WHAT’S the similarity between David Beckham and the late Diana, Princess of Wales? No, it’s not a joke - I’ll tell you. Both are/were drop-dead gorgeous. I saw Diana when she visited Park Cake in 1987. She had eyes that could turn your knees to jelly. No wonder she made sure the camera focused on them when she gave her interview to Martin Bashir.
Had she not been so beautiful, I...
October 2010
3 posts
In memory of Big Mal
AMONG the lesser-known posts I’ve filled at Hyde FC is boardroom steward. Around 25 years ago, I used to carry a huge kettle of tea to the old wooden main stand and pour out cuppas to the great and the good as they set about the half-time buffet.
The reason I bring up this seemingly pointless piece of information is that at one pre-season friendly we were playing Preston North End and I struck up...
'I would have sworn different'
BAD language and dissent are a fairly recent phenomenon in football. We all know that - the newspapers constantly tell us that standards of behaviour within the game have never been lower.
Well I came across the following article when I was looking through some back copies of the Ashton-under-Lyne (now Tameside) Reporter a few weeks ago. The Mr JE Mangnall referred to is Ernest Mangnall, the man...
Thank goodness they didn't kiss me!
MY current bedtime read is Duncan Hamilton’s “Provided You Don’t Kiss Me”, one of two books he has written - the other being a biography of the Notts fast bowler Harold Larwood - to have been named William Hill sports book of the year.
I find Hamilton’s style a little flowery, all skies, for example, seem to be described as cobalt, but I’ve found both to be...
September 2010
3 posts
Cup woe continues
I SHOULDN’T raise my hopes but I always do. Once again I went into the weekend believing that this might at last be Hyde’s year for a good FA Cup run, and once again I was left sorely disappointed.
Of course it’s all my fault. I only had to look at the Blue Square Bet North table to realise it was very unlikely the Tigers would over come Droylsden. Yet hope springs eternal....
Up for the cup . . . or are we?
I HAVE only one regret from the five or so years I ghosted the Hyde (United) manager’s programme notes - asking Steve Waywell if it was true he didn’t rate the FA Cup.
Actually, the question I put was something like: “Some people feel that you aren’t really interested in the FA Cup but I’m sure you’d disagree with them?” I was more than a little surprised...
The cruelty of cricket
YOU could say that cruelty is what makes sport so interesting. I cheered myself hoarse when Manchester United snatched the European Cup from Bayern Munich in the dying seconds of the 1999 final. In fact, I did more than that, I laughed at the crestfallen Germans who were lying weeping and exhausted on the Nou Camp pitch.
It’s different when you’re on the receiving end, but at least...